Last weekend I spent 4 days away from home. I flew to Dallas, Texas to catch up with a bunch of old friends, enjoy some sunshine, shop and eat amazing food. Plus I got to catch up on some much needed sleep too.
For the first 24 hours though, I felt INSANELY guilty.
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my ME time.
But I now know why as moms it is so difficult to take time for our selves. Because that transition from US to ME can be turbulent. Sticky and awkward and hard.
When I was on that plane 30,000 ft in sky on the way to Dallas. I could feel the turbulence not only from the air around the aircraft, but within myself too. I had just left my family after what was a week of rough parenting. Hard lessons learned, emotions tense, and uncertainty high.
I was feeling like I needed to be home to anchor the situation. To keep the schedule consistent. To work on the issues at hand.
I left with guilt in my conscience that my husband would have to handle things solo during a particularly rough patch.
Guilt is a sneaky stealer of our emotional self-preservation
It makes us feel unworthy of our solo time. It haunts us with all of the ways we aren’t there for our kids, or supporting our partners, or assisting with the management of our home. It tells us that we’re indulging too much in ourselves instead of serving others.
But the truth is, none of that is true.
When we’re alone, there’s finally no one to interrupt us, throw a tantrum on a whim, need a snack in a flash or a meal in an instant.
That can be equally as liberating as it is terrifying.
The control over our actions, even for a short time, is no longer being defined by someone else, but solely by our desires.
So much of the time it’s easier to just say no to ourselves. No to our time. Because it’s comfortable to be there embedded in our home and its day to day operation. It’s safe to stay stagnant and maintain our typical schedule.
But easy is not always best.
I would argue that time for ourselves on the regular is necessary.
I get it, how it feels weird to be alone with our thoughts. Sometimes the crazy places they weave us to in the quiet alone time, reveal the demons we don’t want to wrestle with.
But that time can also show us the dreams we never knew we had.
Or the way out of a puzzle we’ve been solving in our minds for way to long.
Or a fresh outlook on the way we live our lives
Or a a grateful heart for the people we live with and get to come home too when we’re done.
The moments when I step into the quiet of a solo retreat away are where I learn the most about myself. They’re what give me confidence about where I’d like to head and point me forward.
I came home from Dallas to smiling loving faces who not only survived but thrived and reconnected in my absence. I returned well rested and ready to conquer parenting with a renewed spirit. The slate was cleared and our relationships with one another were refreshed.
Time with yourself isn’t optional.
It’s essential.
It will bring peace and clarity.
I’ve learned, the more clear and confident I am in my life, the better teacher and role model I can be for my daughter as she embarks on hers. She’ll learn how to set clear boundaries around herself, and her needs. She’ll learn how loving herself first will allow her to love others in even bigger more powerful ways in return. And she’ll learn how hard work and time away can take her dreams almost anywhere.
If you are in need of pause, in need of space, in need of a quiet and safe place to recharge and work towards your dreams and wishes let’s chat. I’m hosting a retreat this coming summer in July 2016 (at a B&B outside of Chicago) where your self-discovery and self-preservation is my priority. Even if your dreams are not fully formed I want to hear from you. Even if you’re not sure this retreat is the right fit. Especially if you think this retreat is the perfect fit. I want you to feel heard. I want to give your wishes a voice. Reach out to me right HERE using this contact form, or just send me an email directly and let me hear what resonating inside you right now. If you share your dreams with me, I’ll share all of the retreat details with you via email when you’re done. Perhaps a solo adventure is exactly what you need right now too. xo.