It’s labor day weekend, I’m at a neighbor friends house for a barbecue, the weather is amazing, the shrieks from our happy children are resounding from the lower deck, while the parents sip grown up juice and soak in the final fleeting summer moments.
One of my girlfriends and I are catching up. Besides the occasional text this is the first time we’ve connected in months. She asks about the Loudoun Photo Loft, the Resonate retreat, and the coaching and classes I completed this summer. She’s a bit in awe of what’s transpired and is genuinely excited.
However, her excitement causes me to shrink.
Instead of leaning into a celebration, I immediately I feel my body resist cheering along with her.
I launch into sharing how exhausting the multiple 2 hour back and forth trips from Ikea wore me out, how the constant up and down 3 flights of stairs moving furniture put a creak in my old bones, how I haven’t run consistently in months because I’ve been so busy, how holding space for both my clients and my family was more mentally draining than it ever has been, how the past month without childcare totally derailed any semblance of balance claimed earlier in the summer, how I worry I gave up a summer of fun with my daughter to instead build another business dream, how unsure I feel about the next steps for growth and stability for myself and my family.
All that crap overshadows the present moment and I fight celebration.
I downplay what’s been accomplished, change the subject, and allow my body to fall further into heaviness and frustration.
But why? Things are good. Really good. I’m simply afraid to share. Afraid to embrace the place of fully honoring the purpose filled life I’m living.
What I could’ve shared is how excited I am to have co-worker I adore sharing work space with, one who makes my days at more fun and rewarding and lighthearted, how amazing it feels to know I’m helping women in powerful ways with seeking deep purpose in their lives, how grateful I am to be able to play life by my own rules and live with more flexibility than ever before, and how I’m so lucky to have friends who are cheering me on along the way and making the journey even more worthwhile.
Sometimes we forget that it’s ok to celebrate.
We don’t have to downplay our happiness. We can grow into newer fresher ways of being and living, instead of getting stuck in old patterns. The ones where:
We give in to our negative thoughts and self talk.
We spend entire days at a time worrying ourselves in circles.
We berate ourselves over and over and over again for all the things we’re doing wrong.
We tell ourselves it’s selfish to want to pursue our passions.
We feel so out of alignment we’re not sure how to re-center.
We neglect allowing space for us to grieve, to grow, to laugh, to love, to cry, to help, to heal.
We forget that we have a choice in our mindset.
We get lost and don’t know how to find the way back to our true purpose.
Fast forward a few days post barbecue and I’m at yoga for the first time in 4 months. The negativity I’m holding still feels heavy and tight and my body is completely out of alignment.
The theme of our evening is RESISTANCE.
We’re instructed to give our discomfort space to allow it to open. We have to feel into the pain to allow it to dissipate.
We have to breathe
We have to expand
We have to cry
We have to laugh
We have to explore
We have to celebrate
We have to fail
We have to succeed
We have to open
We have to feel
I leave yoga feeling freer than when I arrived.
This is the way we come back to ourselves. With guides, mentors and experiences that help us return to lightness, honor celebration, discover our purpose, and come back to ourselves.
Where do you need to honor yourself more this week? Where are you downplaying gratitude? Where can you allow light and love to heal you? Where can you explore resistance, give it space, and lean in a bit more? What teachers and guides do you have to support you?
Starting October 14th I’m going to be leading a small, virtual mentoring group. We’ll be exploring a process of stepping into greater passion and purpose in our lives. This could be through bringing more creativity to our days, growing a business, or simply living in a more intentional way. We’ll spend 6 weeks talking about Freshness, Dreams, Commitment, Fear, Intuition, & Celebration. Want to know more? Drop me a note HERE. I’d love to connect and see if this experience is the right one for you.
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