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Today’s post is an excerpt from a former online class, Radiate. Today I’m super duper excited to announce the re-release of Radiate as a self-study e-book + video lesson series. Want to snag the first chapter for free? Click HERE and I’ll send it to you now!

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Sometimes, I like to close my eyes and remember when the definition of ME was simple enough to be wrapped up in the results of those cheesy Seventeen magazine personality quizzes.

Who is your celebrity soul mate?
What does your wardrobe say about you?
What is your organization style?
Are you a natural leader?

I most certainly was not a leader in my high school years, but for some reason I had the brilliant idea that I should run for President of the Latin Club my senior year. Yes, Latin club. Carpe Diem, right? I took four years of Latin in high school. By senior year I adored my teacher and my classmates. I was a shoe in to be President. That is, until the captain of the football team decided he wanted to run too. I’ll let you guess how the story ends.
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And that was just the a glimpse of the disappointment I used to feel in my teenage angsty years. Everything I did in high school seemed to come up short. I wanted nothing more than to land the lead in the school play but ultimately was always cast as the old lady with only a line or two. I longed to sing solo in the school choir but always ended up in the ensemble. I wanted to be promoted to manager at my retail job but couldn’t seem to move past ‘cashier.’ I wanted a ‘promposal’, instead I was set up and stood up mid-way through the night.

To shake off disappointment I would go for long weekend drives, blasting Third Eye Blind and No Doubt on the stereo, singing at the top of my lungs. I’d hide behind my frizzy mess of long curly hair, oversized flannel shirts, and green velour Doc Marten high tops. I’d compose song lyrics while up locked up in my bedroom at night and lament that no one understood me.

Heck, back then I didn’t understand ME either.

The only difference between then and now? I had time to figure it out.

College opened up a fresh window of opportunity each and every day. I didn’t have a household to run, kids to care for, or a job to suck every last ounce of my time and energy.

As a Personality Psychology major in college, those Seventeen style quizzes became a tad more complex, but added a bit more clarity too. ME as labeled by the ‘psychology experts’ was now called ENFJ. Extroverted, Intuitive. Feeling. Judging. Or more commonly labeled, The Teacher.

Not surprisingly I fit the description to a tee and I slowly discovered the leader locked up inside of me just waiting to get out.

When I flat out was rejected from the college choirs I joined a philanthropy group, was elected their Vice President my second week as a member, and built a mentoring program (which 12 years later is still going strong) that paired our youth members with the elder members looking to share their knowledge of the world.

The skills I honed as an ENFJ in college led me to enter the workforce as an elementary school teacher, marry the nice boy I met when I was 17 working as that cashier in retail, adopt a kitten or two from the local animal shelter, and truly begin to carve out my place in this vast world of opportunity.

But each year that followed layered on a new level of complexity and commitment. Work, marriage, home, kids, friends, family. And somewhere along the journey from teenage angst to confident adult I began losing sight of the ME as I worried about keeping everything else in balance..

I could still define myself based on common societal roles: teacher, wife, friend, mother, philanthropist—but was that truly ME?

This battle with self became the most apparent after the loss of our first daughter, Bella Rose, during week 20 of her pregnancy. I had put my everything into becoming a mother, the ultimate role of sacrifice.

Once she was gone all that was left were broken pieces of ME.

So I made it my personal mission to re-discover who I truly was. And I used my camera to make it happen.

Something as simple as taking a photo helped to visually represent the rich texture of ME here and now. It made me more aware and grateful for what I have. And it forced me to take time away from others so I could get reacquainted with myself.

We haven’t all been through the loss of a child but we each have SOMETHING we are battling as the layers of our life become richer, deeper, busier, and more complex.

When was the last time you carved out a block of time just for you? Went for that long drive with the stereo on full blast? Made a little bit of space to listen to your thoughts write that poem simply waiting to be released? Carved out a special time and place to explore your passion, photography and photo editing, a bit more?

Radiate is the e-book that will map out your journey towards self-discovery from behind the lens of a camera.

Each chapter of this journey pairs photography with a journaling exercise and photo editing video lesson that encourages getting reacquainted with YOU.

Radiate will give you that gentle nudge to get out and lead a more mindful, present, fulfilled life by understanding the texture of who YOU are today, tomorrow and always.

Are you ready to re-discover your inner glow?

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The first chapter is completely free and you can download it right now by clicking HERE.

Together we’ll work hard, do some soul-searching, and make you and your images shine!

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